Maggie talks about the physical changes after ostomy surgery and the impact on intimacy.
Keep these thoughts in mind on your post-surgery journey with your partner. (You may even want to print them out and carry them with you.)
- Your partner should love you for who you are, ostomy or not.
- Despite any physical changes you might be going through, you are still who you’ve always been.
- Stay positive. Remember that your surgery was a treatment for an illness that may have drastically affected your quality of life.
- It’s quite possible your sex life will improve.
- “Feeling sexy” is something that starts in your brain. Get comfortable and confident with your ostomy by finding which wraps and pouches feel best for you.
- When you feel comfortable with your partner, be open and honest about your ostomy and any anxieties you may have.
Communication and trust are at the heart of the healing process.
It’s comforting to know that sexual relations will not hurt your stoma — or you.
Share your feelings with your partner, and respond to his or her concerns as well.
With time and a positive attitude, you can enjoy a mutually satisfying sexual relationship.
Tips to enhance intimacy
- Trust is key to true intimacy
The more you share about your ostomy, how you feel, and what you need, the stronger the bond between you and your partner. - The old adage is true: The way you see yourself influences the way others see you
Take time after surgery to acknowledge the changes your body has been through, check in with your emotions about how you feel post-surgery, and share your feelings with your partner. You’ll find that acceptance of your body after surgery comes with time. - A stoma does not have nerve endings;
therefore, it does not transmit pain or other sensations, but it can bleed slightly if irritated or rubbed. Trying different positions can help you avoid any issues.
- The side-by-side position often works well for people living with ostomies because the pouch will fall to your side and not come between you and your partner. - For intimate moments, special pouches are available that are designed to be smaller and less bulky.
- If your stoma makes you uneasy during intimate moments, cover your pouch with specially designed underwear, lingerie or pouch covers.
We offer a stylish line of undergarments, intimacy wraps and more that can help take your mind off your ostomy and allow you to focus on your partner.
For Women
- If you use the pill, you may need to change your birth control—particularly if you’ve had an ileostomy. Oral contraceptives are often not absorbed with a shorter small intestine. Talk to your doctor or ostomy nurse about the best form of birth control for you.
- After surgery, many women experience vaginal dryness. Try a lubricant, or ask your doctor about other options to treat vaginal dryness.
For Men
- Some men may experience erectile dysfunction symptoms (i.e., achieving / sustaining an erection or inability to ejaculate) the first time they are intimate following surgery. Don’t worry or panic! This can often occur—it may be related to the surgery itself or to worries / concerns over being intimate post-surgery. If you experience continued problems maintaining an erection, call your healthcare provider. Most likely, there is a solution.
Request ostomy product samples that may help you feel more confident and secure.
Intimacy with Ostomy: Q&As
Understandably, people have a lot of questions about intimacy after ostomy surgery.
Here are answers to some of the most frequently asked questions.
Modern pouches are made of odor-free materials, and there are deodorizers that help reduce ostomy-related odors. Keep your body and pouch clean, and you shouldn’t have a problem.
Wraps to Help You Reconnect
Ostomysecrets® makes flattering wraps and undergarments that cover your ostomy and won't get in the way during intimate moments. These can help you and your partner feel more secure and confident.
1. United Ostomy Associations of America, Inc. Intimacy after ostomy surgery guide. http://healthcare.utah.edu/huntsmancancerinstitute/cancer-information/resources/factsheetpdfs/ileostomy-care-patient.pdf. Accessed January 3, 2024
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Maggie Tretton
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